Become Restored

Breaking in

2011-12-20T23:24:00.000-08:00

I have this problem.

I completely desire to let go. To let my words fall across the page.

But something stops them. There is this wall in my brain, in my heart that will not allow thoughts to come across. There are things that I yearn to tell you but for some reason I can't find a way to break into them and let them out.

Have you every wondered why that is?

Have you ever been the middle of a heated argument and could not grasp the words to say?
Have you ever been giving a speech in class or at work and suddenly became at a loss for words even though you knew all of the information.

When I lack the words I feel as if I am in a box unable to press out, unable to say those things which are truly on my heart.

I know there is a point of protection there. A point of too much knowledge. But I also think that there is a point where the floodgates would open and those words, those words that had been haunting us, those words that had been lying in wait would be so great that we, in the end, would not know what to do with them.

But I want to try.

I know those words would illustrate my story, my feelings. Even if it was something not to be written or published but just for me, that they would help.

This is want to encourage you to do. Is break in. Find the place where your inner thoughts are hiding and use them to find out more about your story.

break in.
believe.
remain in HIS love
become restored.

The Eye of the Hurricane

2011-12-07T19:45:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I feel like I am just living in the eye of the hurricane.

Do you know the feeling. You just passed through a bad part and there is still some waves crashing but you have this feeling that in a few minutes the winds are going to start in again and you have to get through the rest of the of it.

Yep. That is JUST how I feel.

And it is kind of consuming. It takes a lot out of you to wait for the other shoe to drop. To wait for the phone call, the knock at the door.

I absolutely HATE living this way. I feel like in the last few years I have spent seasons in and out of a hurricanes.

I want to commit in the new year to NOT living in the eye of the hurricane.

I want to commit to not watching the waves and fearing for the worst to come.

Why?

That is not a life. And if that is how you are living know that you are not living to your full self.

I can attest to this fact.

I feel like when I live in the eye, on the precipice of another storm, I'm not seeing whats going on around me.

I choose not to be in real life. I choose to skirt around. Working, sleeping, shutting out what is actually going on.

I've been living in the eye lately, sometimes in awareness of the fact, and sometimes not. It is so much better to just live day by day and not look for the storm that is coming and hide, but to live in the knowledge that when is does come you will be ok.

As hard as that is to remember.

You WILL be ok.

remain is HIS love
be known
become restored

Nothing left to give..

2011-11-28T22:55:00.001-08:00

I've talked about letting go..
I've talked about not hiding...
I've talked about a lot of stuff in the recent weeks.

But right now I feel as if there is nothing I can say or do in this moment.

I just have to take a deep breath and realize that, that is perfectly ok.

There is so much I want to do, be, say.

But right now I have the energy for none of those.

And that is ok.

When you hit that moment, you just know.

The moment where you can no longer keep moving forward. Where you have hit a wall. Where you desire to saturate your life with one more movement. One more accomplish. But it just won't come.

So stop.

Don't try to move past that breaking point.

I know that many are fans of the saying "fake it til you make it" and in some cases that is a completely posistive ok statement.

But right now in my life?

Not possible.

One foot in front of the other and that is all that matters. Moving on to rest.

I've hit the moment.

I just have to remember to stop.

So in my utter broken honesty I am telling YOU this in order to remind myself.

Stop.
remain in his love
become restored by it.
be moved by it
spurred on by it.

<3

Eventually...

2011-11-16T20:54:00.001-08:00

Eventually I want to own a Kate Spade bag.

Alright so that is not at the top of my list of things I "eventually" want to do but it is the first one that I popped into my head.

Eventually I want to write a book.

That sounds so cliche. I have a degree in English that I am doing NOTHING with but eventually I want to write a book.

No, but seriously. Writing brings me so much joy. It is on the list of activities that I can sit and do absolutely anywhere. I write on napkins. On my phone. On old receipts. Even in books books. I can truly write anywhere...

And normally what I writing? Pieces of my story. I want people to know those parts.

Why? To be of help, of comfort, to let you know you aren't the only one out there, that someone has been there before.

What do I do with all of those notes, moments, thoughts scribbled down quickly in a burst accidental inspiration.

Most of the time? Absolutely nothing. I have so many grandiose dreams and desires. I have so many bubbles that fly out of my head and never break in the right spot.

Why do we do that to ourselves?

Why do we take all of our God-given talents, dreams, gifts and just let them bust? Why do they get turned into a list of "eventually" ?

I don't think I am good enough. I don't think I have enough to offer. I don't think I am enough to fill a book.

I don't think I am.

But I am.

I am enough. I am good enough. I have a story to offer. I do fill a book.

Yes, It is hard. It will be hard. I will make mistakes. I will get stuck. I will have happy moments. I will have sad moments. I will need to probably click restore. I will breakdown. I will need help. I will need a hand. I will need Jesus.

And I am not just talking about a book. Life is hard. It will be hard I will make mistakes. I will get stuk. I will have happy moments. I will have sad moments. But I will live my life.

So ~~eventually~~ I will write a book

What's on your list of eventually?
Why don't we make a To do list instead.

Throw out the eventually.
remain in His love
become.restored@gmail.com

Letting go...

2011-11-09T19:43:00.000-08:00

There is an alarm on my phone that is set to go off every wednesday at 5 to remind me to blog. I am trying to get regularly writing once a week. Normally I would just come on to write when something was on my heart but I wanted to start to get the habitat of sitting in front of my laptop at least once a week.

I want to get used to letting go.

Sometimes it is hard to break through the barrier of my mind and jsut let words show up on my screen. Sometimes I feel as if I have nothing to say while other times there is just to much to say. Either of those instances both cause me to truly let go.

Letting go in any way is one of the scariest things for me to do. Whether it is let go of a trial, a financial situation, a person, it is just difficult.

There are those places though where you just breath a sigh of relief and find yourself releasing everything.

I've cried the last couple weeks I've had therapy. Now normally I just don't want to let go in therapy. It is scary [ironically since I have been seeing my therapist for almost 3 years]

But that horrendously heavy weight on my shoulders? It's almost gone. I've let most of it go.

And it feels amazing.

Right there. That is one of the sole reasons I want to make sure I let go on this blog every week. I want to share those moments of my letting go so that others can have moments of letting go.

And I want to remind myself what I've learned.

So remember to let go this week.
Remind yourself of what you've learned
remain in his love
become.restored@gmail.com

Community

2011-10-31T23:08:00.000-07:00

It was about 3 years ago around this very week that all hell broke loose.

Thinking back to the internal monologue that was running in my brain for the weeks leading up to the end of the month makes my head hurt.

"you're not good enough" "no one really cares" "you should just leave" "it won't matter" "it's your fault"

wow. Pretty dark and scary. I ,essentially, was spending the entirety of my days talking myself away from negativity. I got to a point though when I was just too tired of having to fight by myself. But I still was battling one more statement in my head.

"you are alone"

That one packs a punch. It takes any phrase floating in your head and jabs it into your heart a little more because being alone makes everything worse. If you feel as you have no one to talk too, no one who cares or in my case I felt as if I had come to the well once too often for help.

There are so many things that I could say in this moment to remind you and myself that none of the above things are true.

But I will just use a simple sentence.

You are not alone.

There is someone who loves you so. Someone for you to cling to. Someone who will provide people in your life to be there for you so you don't have to be physically alone.

God created you special. And the thing about God is that he created other people to be in community with you. He created people who have hearts to listen, people who have minds that are full of knowledge and resources to help you. He created people with sturdy shoulders to cry on.

Please remember that. When it gets so bleak and the thoughts come so quickly remember that God created a community for you.

Being on this side of all of the darkness I am able to step back and see I wasn't ever alone but the running conversation in my head sure made me feel like it. Those demons in my head are my worst enemy. On a bad day it just takes a look, a word or the roll of eyes in my direction to set me off, but I just to do reminded myself that I am restored in Christ, He is there for me and He has created others to stand around me as I stand around for others.

God created community for us for a reason. For support, Love, fun, family, hope, accountability and growth. And in the moments of our darkness is when we need it the most.

Remember all of this
Live in community
Long for community
Be apart of community

Remain in His Love, His community
be known
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

I AM

2011-10-26T00:31:00.000-07:00

I am a woman of God
who through being broken
is able to know Christ
makes me whole

Through that love
overwhelming
constant

I am given
Entrusted
with the words
to remind others

That they are created for Good

I am planted in HIM and in HIS love
He is my Constant reminder
of hope

I am meant for good
Created for Good
and l long to do good

I am hinder by the
fear
that I will
fall
back
into my brokenness
and be crippled from the
inability to create

I hold on that
I am someone who
desires
for the overflow of my heart
to be
Christ heart.

I am someone who yearns you
to remain in HIS love
be known
become restored

Look up.

2011-10-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

There is something about being a deep dark hole that makes you look up. Why? You can only stare down at the same dirt ground fro so long before eventually you get bored, you get discouraged and you HAVE to look up.

That deep dark hole and I can be friends sometimes. That isn't something I am particularly proud of but it is true. When I am out of it I stare down into it and SWEAR I am never going to jump in again or allow myself to fall, but nonetheless it still happens.

But that is how we work isn't it? No matter what we do we will walk down the same path and fall into the same hole as always. But the difference between the first and the second time that you fall into that hole is that the second time we need to make sure we fall down holding onto something.

Does that sound weird? That we intentionally fall down into the hole? No. We aren't necessarily doing anything but if you are like me you know yourself well enough to know that sooner or later you might just find yourself back into the hole. And I personally would like to have something I am at least holding on to in the event I slip,trip or lunge back into that dark, despairing hole.

For a while when I first found myself taking residence in the hole I held onto the cute kids I worked with. They brought my joy, sanity and laughter. But I am sorry to say they are small and I am big and they cannot in anyway drag me out of a deep dark hole. Then I tried controlling some things in my life as if to have a better grasp on my own life and then maybe I would miraculously hop out on my own will.

And then I realized there was only one thing that could get me out of that hole.

Jesus.

As simple and terrifyingly hard as that.

Yes the things that I tried before temporarily help but the only thing that has long term lasting relief is Jesus.

So a couple years ago I starting learning to let myself be loved by Jesus.

I bet that wasn't technically a sentence you were expected to see. You see I could Love Jesus. [capital L]. But being loved by HIM was an entirely different story.

For me that hole that I stayed had phrases engraved in the walls all. "Not good enough" "can stand on own two feet" "self-sufficient" "helper not help-ee".

None of those things are true.

See the thing is to be truly free? We need to allow Jesus to restore us, define us and love us.

Because He does.

Jesus loves us SO much it is truly and utterly indescribable.

I have that on my heart to tell you. For those of you in that hole, in the dark, for those of you unwilling to allow others to love and take care of you?

Start with Jesus. He wants to KNOW you...He actually already does. He knows ever part of your being and He wants to show you a love like none other.

Let yourself being wrapped in His cloak.

When I find myself on the precipice of that hole. When I find myself just ready to jump in and read the lies on the walls I remember that STILL He loves me. No matter what.

So even if you are currently taking up residence in your hole. If you are decorating it, if you even have a coffee maker--you can still call to HIM. He LOVES you. More then that dirty, smelly, dark, damp hole EVER will.

Be enveloped in His LOVE
be known by His LOVE
become restored by His LOVE
Remember God is always with you

if you have any questions, comments or prayers please email me at
become.restored@gmail.com

Take a deep breath and...

2011-10-16T22:28:00.000-07:00

There is a feeling I get when I am totally relaxed. It's like this breath of relief. This sigh that starts down in the depths of my toes and goes all the way up.

It is a very rare feeling for me these days.

It's not that I am incredibly stressed or sad or anything. I am just busy. Insanely really. Most people think I am crazy for keeping the schedule I do but in reality there are certain things I do because they bring me great joy. And I am not willing to sacrifice the joy these things bring me.

But when I do finally stop during the week and take that deep breath it feels great. There are few places and people that allow me to be completely relaxed. The people that allow me complete relaxation I could potentially count on one hand. It is the friend who I can walk around shopping with for hours and discuss every topic under the sun. The friend that I sit across the table at a restaurant and know that I can be my complete self no matter what. The friend that I can lay around all day and read in the sunlight and be at peace. The friend that I only see once in a blue moon but when I do it's like nothing hasn't changed...even when everything has.

The places are few and far between. My apartment when it is clean. My counselors office. On my bike in the sun.

The moment I sat down in church tonight I realized that it was one of those places. I had been running all day from work, to cleaning, to a planning meeting, to dinner with friends...and the moment I sat down and took a breath in the sanctuary at church I knew that it was one of my peaceful places.

My energy rushed out of me and felt tired. A good tired. My heartbeat slowed and so did my thoughts. I sipped my coffee and prepared my heart for some encouraging words.

I thought back to some of dark days when that church building was the only place I would allow myself to cry. At the foot of the cross in the back corner. I let my guard down there.

That is what it is about really. Being known. Letting your guard down. Having those people and places that you are able to do so with. In the process of becoming restored we need those places and people. We need those circumstances that let us take a breath all the way down to our toes and be at peace.

Do you have those places? Those times? Those people? I want to encourage you to find them. Maybe it's a friend who knows you so well, or even maybe a counselor who has no bias against you.

The places could be a spot in your house. A quiet place outside. A church building. A library.

I want to encourage you to take care of yourself. Find places of relaxation. Being relaxed in important. And remember being at peace? Does not mean you have everything all together. It just means that in the moment you are content with what is happen.

I battle with relaxation and finding peace and calm. I fight for the people in my life in bring me joy. I fight for my moments. Because I am the only one who is going to fight for me.

Fight for yourself. Fight for your time. Your peace.

Live in the moment.
Be at peace
Be relaxed.
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Hiding

2011-10-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a moment where you just wanted to stay under your covers? You just wanted to curl up on your couch- shut the blinds- turn off the lights and make sure no one knew you were home?

I have. I've actually done it while I was riding my bike to work. Talent? I think so. No I didn't actually get under the covers on the street. But as I rode my bike down the street I thought of ways I could hide. I thought of ways that I could put up barriers around me and get through my day.

Now that's not easy. It takes a lot of work. You have to smile a lot more; think about your answers so hard that YOU even believe them. It is tiring. And by the end of the day you just want to crash. You are so exhausted from being fake and not allow anyone in that you just need to sit still and not think.

Now in all of this I am not saying there aren't times and places to hide. To put feelings aside for a moment. But when you have to constantly go through each day hiding yourself you have to realize that there is a problem.

A couple years ago everyday of my life was like that. I never letting anyone get through. And whenever I did I quickly would put some cement on the chink in my armor. But the more I try to guard myself the more I realized I couldn't keep up and that this hiding wasn't normal.

So I broke down. And since then I have been slowly trying to buildup an appropriate amount of armor for when I need it but not for all of my life.

But there are those days still that I desperately want my armor back. I want to be able to hide in broad daylight. I want to be able to be fake and not face anything but I feel like it would be easier. I have to remind myself I don't need to hide. I have to remind myself that I am not alone in my life.

I have God. He truly knows me. Even when I feel like crap.

I have a picture of Christ. Following me throughout my day. And there are days when I need to hide.

He covers me.

There are days when I don't have the strength to smile.

He smiles for me.

He knows me. Leads me. Loves me. Allows me to HIDE in Him.

Have you had those days when you need to hide in broad daylight? When you fear so much being known?

Let Christ know you as you hide in him. Let Him re-engerize you with His love.

So remain in HIS love
be known
become.restored

become.restored@gmail.com

Identity

2011-10-09T22:50:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile. Since the last time I posted so many things have happened. So many things have changed. And have changed me. One of the prominent moments that caused change was when I spent 16 days in South Africa serving with a team from my church.

I learned so much about myself during my time preparing for and being in ZA.

Tonight I was reminded about something that I truly felt called to share on here.

I have posted about 60ish posts on this blog. And at the end of those post I always remind the reader to be known by God.

I honestly don't think I ever really say that to myself or remind myself enough about that. I don't remind myself to keep my identity in Christ. I don't remember enough that without Jesus I have nothing. That my hope is found in Christ.

I need to remember that Christ is the only constant. He is the only thing that will NEVER be pulled out from under me. When my life gets crazy, when I have those moment when I feel like I can't stop. When I feel like I can't move. When I think that only I can fix thing.

Christ love urges me on.
His love compels me.
His love makes me who I am.

But like I said. I don't always remember that. I would say during the day I forget 60% of the time.
I place my identity in people, in what I do, in myself. And those things change.

Where do you place your identity?

I want to encourage you to take a moment and write it down. Now unless have it all together continue reading.

Look at the list. Read it over.
Then cross it out.
Take a marker and scribble all over that list.

You are not that list.
You are not what you do.
You are not your friends.
You are not what other people think.

You are Christ Chosen
You are His son
His Daughter
His Child

And that is ALL that matters.

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Remember In HIS PRESENCE
you are made whole.

God is MORE then you will ever need.

I wrote a list out. I scratched it out and I wrote this as a reminder to me.

I NEED Jesus
Without Him?
I have NOTHING
I have no point.
No Purpose.
No Identity.
I live in HIM
By HIM
Through HIM
He is my focus.
He knows me more then I know me
He has created me as HIS beautiful
Loving, Broken but Whole in HIM
daughter.

And that is ALL that matters.
Remember HE loves you
HE created you
HE wants to KNOW you
So remain in HIS love
Be KNOWN
Become Restored by the ULTIMATE restoration

Send me your stories, prayers, praises,struggles
If you need encouragement. Ask.

Know you are cared for and LOVED

become.restored@gmail.com

Not grown up enough

2011-04-20T22:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt not grown up enough for the circumstances in your life? Even though you pay your own bills or have held a steady job?

And then suddenly a tragedy happens; someone dies too young or a family member gets sick and you become a caretaker.

And you get completely tired and just feel not grown up enough. You feel like you shouldn't have to be dealing with things that you are. You feel like life just dealt you a hand that you truly don't know how to play.

That is how I've felt a few times in my life over the last few years and more specifically last week. I was helping my mom out and taking care of her and I was tired and just felt not grown up enough for what I was doing. Even though I know that God has given me the strength to do these things I was still just extremely tired.

I came home and rested and went through my week still pretty tired. And then tonight I went to 3rd Wednesday at my church. It is a worship & prayer service and it blew me away tonight. I was worshiping and praying and God spoke a reminder to me.

I will always be His child. No matter what. I can go through life and make grown up and scary decision and have to go through times in life where I feel I have more responsibility then I am capable of handling, but no matter what I can come to His house and remember that I am forever His child. I can rest in His arms.

And that is what I feel like I did tonight. I was able to be in His presence and worship Him and REST in His arms.

I came out feeling joy, renewed and restored. Even though my body is tired and worn down I am restored and remember that He is my Heavenly Father and I can rest in Him.

So as you finish this week with whatever decision you have to make or whatever responsibilties you feel are out of your reach remember

God is your Heavenly Father.
In whom you can rest,
be renewed
be restored
and be His child.

remain in His love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Eyesight

2011-03-16T22:45:00.000-07:00

I recently got new glasses. Let me tell you I never knew my other glasses were so weak. I put them on and was dazzled by everything that I could see. Everything was so clear.

And now 3 days later my eyes are seeing as they used too. Nothing is super clear anymore. I'm just seeing. I know that when I get new contacts I'll go through the same process. I will be able to see clear and it will help to fix my astigmatism. But then I will forget they are new and just keep seeing.

Isn't that how it is with us? We will see get a new outlook on life. We will find a quote or be told something encouraging and we can suddenly once again see everything clearly. But after a couple days or weeks suddenly we are back to our old selves. We are not fighting on and living in the new eyesight we were given by someone. We take it for granted until somewhere along the road it happens again.

We need to daily remember that we have new eyesight. We have a new way of seeing ourselves and we cannot forget that. If we forget it then we will constantly be in the process of refocusing our eyes. And refocusing hurts.

When we choose to live in our new selves and live in hope even when we don't know whats ahead we are choosing to live with refocused eyes. We are choosing to see encouragement and life every day.

Walk in faith.
Walk in new eyes
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

HE is enough

2011-03-10T20:25:00.001-08:00

Dear Child;
There is so much in you that you can’t see. There is power, life, love.
Your eyes are not clear. You have no idea what you can do if you just let go and give me your heart. I will hold and prepare it for whatever comes your way.
I know it’s scary to relinquish that control. To step onto a footpath that you don’t know.
But remember I have gone before you. I have walked here you have not yet.
I know the fights, the struggles and the victories you will face.
You will never be alone. If only you knew the insurmountable joy and happiness that is waiting.
Trust me.
Let me be enough for you. Let me wrap my arms around you. Let me show you what I’ve created. Let me show you the brilliant picture, the story I wrote out for your before you were born.
Shine for me like I know you can. Jump into this with both feet.
I already am enough for you. Can’t you see that?
There are so many things I have planned.
I know you even lack the ability to write and hold onto these promises from me.
Everything is scarier written down
Know that there is joy, love and laughter ahead of you.
Yes, there is always tragedy but know even through that I am with you.
I am enough. I am for you.
YAHWEH

remain in his love.
be known
become restored,
become.restored@gmail.com

Battling

2010-10-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

I have been battling this week. Today is the day though. Two years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was falling on the floor. I was utterly out of my mind. Sobbing. Crying. Empty.

I have come so far from there. I still have slight sadness every once and awhile. I'm still growing, changing and evolving. I'm still in the process of restoration.

Where are you coming from today?
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Long week

2010-10-26T23:13:00.000-07:00

It's been a long week and sadly it's only the end of Tuesday.

So I just want to put out a little encouragement to ponder on into Wednesday.

"a soul unoccupied by posistive devotion is sure to be occupied by spiritual demons" h.e fosdick

remember that today. Fill your head with positive thought and selflove today.

Show yourself some love while you remain in his.
Become restored
becomerestored@gmail.com

Encouraged

2010-10-25T23:10:00.000-07:00

.

‎"God put us together with all the DNA we need for the vision HE has for us"...chris weinand

We are walking with the DNA God gave us. The DNA that he knit together for us while we were in our mother's womb. He has a plan for us.

We need to choose to walk in it. Though we are broken people we don't need to walk in brokenness. We walk in hope, faith, love and light. Though darkness envelops us sometimes we need to know and remember and stand on the promise and the fact that, that is not in the vision that was create for us.

Walk in the knowledge that you were created with a purpose. Walk knowing that this a season that will only refine you.

Walk in the hope you feel.
Remain in HIS love
become restored
becomerestored@gmail.com

Come and rest

2010-10-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog it was such a great outlet of rest and I need to get back to it. So I am here stating that even be it just a few words I am going to post something everyday until December.

Today I want to invite you to come and rest. I have had an immensely crazy but brilliantly amazing weekend after a sort of frazzled week. I'm uncover some stuff in counseling that is rough and just continuing on my journey, I'm working, I have friends going through stuff, school, life.

Tonight I was supposed to have a meeting at church but for one reason or another didn't. I ended up hanging out in my church library and read a book. Henri Nouwen has become one of my favorite authors. I read "The way of heart" while I sat curled up on a comfy couch in a warm library. The library has always been such a happy place for me. Nouwen rocked my world as per usual when I read him. The statement that stuck out to me the most was this, "the literal translation of 'pray always' is 'come to rest'". Wow. How often to we as people who are struggling in different aspects of life just stop and come to rest? To me it doesn't matter if you are going through this on your own or with God. How often to we sit and rest and be? not very often. We get so wrapped up in our struggles, in trying to forget our struggles, in trying to mask our struggles that we do not just REST!

And I want to tell you if you are reading this and do not know this Jesus I talk about--he wants you to come to rest. He wants those that are weary, tired of trying to hold up their mess of problems by themselves to come and rest in His arms.

I for one am also grateful of that reminder. And I got to do that tonight. I got a reminder and way to rest in his arms. To sit in His silence. And to remember He is there.

If you have never read this blog before I encourage you to go back and read through my journey and know this is a place to share yours as well. I want to create this space to share journeys to help others. There is someone out there who needs your story. Someone needs your struggles to help get through theirs.

Remain in HIS love this week
come and rest in his arms
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Let me be empty...

2010-09-11T23:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it is OK to feel empty. Sometimes we just need to sit back and move on with life and feel nothing inside. Have you ever had those days in life where you just don't feel like yourself and you try to to shake it but for days it doesn't. Then you forget that you feel empty and you just go on...

And then you stop and you suddenly remember that you FEEL empty.

I want to encourage you to not let that stop you from going...Move forward- strive. Even if you feel like you have been fighting for so long and you just want to stop.

Keep going.

I've been on the empty side of life lately and it stinks. But I have to keep moving and striving and living my life. And when I stop I feel it again....

But it is OK. I will be OK and as cliche as it sounds you will be OK as well.

I just want to remind you that we all go through empty periods even as we are coming out into the sunshine. We just have to remember that those shadows can only be made if sunshine is on the horizon.

Thanks for listening.
I can listen to you too
remain in his love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Friends..

2010-09-01T23:27:00.000-07:00

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey)

For those of you who know me and the journey I have been on a lot of my support comes from my friends. I want to encourage yo uto find those friends who fulfill the aspects in this Nouwen quote.

I know that it is hard to be a friend and to sit with and in someone's pain but for those who can take a minute and sit in that pain you find that, that friend will stay close, will be there.

I also want to encourage you to be that friend. I understand that I have some friends that don't handle emotion well and that is ok. But there are others that severely hurt me with their disconnect. It was then I realized that if they can't walk with me through my pain then I don't know if they want to be in my heights.

There are certain friends that when around me just bring me down. That is not HEALTHY! For those of you reading remember that we need to have friendships that are give and take not just give and not just take. Maintain those friendships that empower you- that encourage you to become restored, healthy, to become YOU!

Become more of who you are to be.
remain in HIS love
Become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Train of Unconsciousness

2010-08-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

It's odd. I completely thought that this portion of life was done. What portion you ask? Oh, my summer insomnia.

When I was little I could never sleep during the summer. Ever. I realize a big part of it was most likely the fact that even in the middle of the night it was still 90 degrees and the fact that my parents got air conditioning AFTER I left for college.

I don't know exactly when it started but I do have vivid memories of summers during high school when I could not under any circumstances sleep. So I would rearrange my room. Constantly. So at least 3-4 times a week during the summer my bed would end up in a different spot...my room would actually be clean. etc. I do this day do not know what were all of the factors causing me to not sleep.

I haven't had this bad of a problem since the summer after my freshman year in college. But the last couple of weeks sleep and I haven't been friends at all. It makes me sad. I love sleep.

I got to about 430 this morning when I just gave up. I went and brewed a cup of Joy tea and sat here in front of my computer screen contemplating a blog and in all honesty just trying to listen to what God was saying [as a random side note as I type and listen to Pandora the song "Blessed be your name" just came on. Take that as you will]

I've had some good on-and-off conversations with God this summer about my journey. And with all of these sleepless nights I guess that I am finally just sitting back and going "Ok, I'm listening"

So what is God saying? in all honesty I have no clue. I know He is telling me to not fear, to jump, to be secure in myself. He is telling me I belong. He is telling me it is ok to cry. He is telling me to be. Even if that point of being is sick of being on this journey because it's hard and painful

All that goes to say: Where are you this summer? What have you learned about yourself?
Are you ok in this moment?

Remember to remain in His LOVE
You are known
Become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

"You're just being too sensitive"

2010-07-07T01:02:00.001-07:00

If there was a mantra that I picked up from others from my childhood it was that. Nothing pained me more then when my family would joke with me and I wouldn't laugh or my brothers would pick on me and when I got upset I was told to "not be so sensitive"

Now I AM too sensitive. I know it. I can feel it when I get looked at the wrong way or I think someone is upset with me. I can't handle it. If there was anything in my life that I would want to break from--it would be this.

I'm being completely honest here with everyone because I want to tell you that even though I am through some of the darkest days of my life I still have to work. I still have to struggle some days. I still have to hold on to the hope of God to get me through these struggles.

Most people see me as a strong confident woman of God who would do anything for anyone, but truly inside is a broken woman who just needs to be restored in Christ image and to be lifted up out of darkness and out of things that bind me from who I am meant to be.

Insecurity binds me from being fully restored. I need help to learn to be secure in Christ.

I pray that whatever binds you; whatever holds you down you are able to get freedom from. I pray you are able to get help to be lifted out of it.

remain in his love.
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

It's been awhile..

2010-07-05T18:25:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time my friends.

It's taken me awhile to come back and write. I don't know why. But I have had some experience of late where I have learned that no matter what I need to keep going, keep encouraging and keep moving forward.

I'm doing great. I realize that in the last 2-3 years I've changed immensely...especially going back and reading my story that I've written. But I also realize that I need to keep taking care of myself.

Are you taking care of yourself? How are you doing that? I'd love to hear your stories of restoration.

remain in his love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Hope

2010-02-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

Tonight I am not going to lie to all of you I did not want to go to church. I went so far as to text my roommate to see if there was a video or if it was live...finding that it was live I still hemmed and hawed. I'm trying here. I really am. But lately I just don't want to get stuck under a microscope. Truly.

But in the end I decided to go to church. Argh. But I heard a parable that I wanted to share with you.

Luke 18: 1-8 [the message]
The Story of the Persistent Widow
Jesus told them a story showing that it was necessary for them to pray consistently and never quit. He said, "There was once a judge in some city who never gave God a thought and cared nothing for people. A widow in that city kept after him: 'My rights are being violated. Protect me!'
"He never gave her the time of day. But after this went on and on he said to himself, 'I care nothing what God thinks, even less what people think. But because this widow won't quit badgering me, I'd better do something and see that she gets justice—otherwise I'm going to end up beaten black-and-blue by her pounding.'"
Then the Master said, "Do you hear what that judge, corrupt as he is, is saying? So what makes you think God won't step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won't he stick up for them? I assure you, he will. He will not drag his feet. But how much of that kind of persistent faith will the Son of Man find on the earth when he returns?"

Wow. Have you ever been put in a situation and heard exactly what you needed. In this I learned to keep praying keep striving. I know that I get told this on so many occasions but in this moment I had literally just in that day said that I had lost hope in something. I had given up hope in it. And right there God uses this parable to slap my words back in my face.

What it was is that I had given hope of my mom's health getting any better. I had given up prayers. I just had to stop thinking it was going to get much better. But God essentially told me tonight never give up.

And that is what I want to stress to you tonight. Are you losing hope? Are the arms you use to fight and pray getting weaker? Is it annoying you to have to hold on?

Well hold on! Don't give up the fight...

Remember the persistent widow and be encouraged
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Heart Memory

2010-02-18T20:35:00.001-08:00

Let me give a picture: it’s two in the morning, freezing outside and there is a young woman curled up on the bench of a gazebo outside a hospital. She is bawling and talking a cell phone. All week you have seen her, strong, caring for others around her but the moment no one is looking she cries.

Does that last sentence ring true to you? Do you cry when no one is around? I do. I need to cry a little this week but I am trying hard not too. Why?

It’s been a year since my mom went into the hospital. I’ve been pretty ok remember how this month changed a lot things but tonight as I am tired, in class and not really all here I am little shaken.

Isn’t it amazing how are emotions can remember horrible times in our lives and then like muscle memory freak us out? Thankfully of course this goes with good memories too, but of course it is the bad memories that shake us.

I want to learn to remember the lessons I learned from the sadness, remember the growth and the wisdom God gave me through the trials, not just the sadness itself.

How can we do that?

If we learn this it will help us in the process of becoming restored. I want to come completely out of the end of this and know what I have learned. I want to be fully restored in Christ and in myself

Remember to remain in HIS love
Become restored
Become.restored@gmail.com

Please share your hearts with me.

Please remember...

2010-02-04T18:40:00.001-08:00

In the process of becoming restored we can get so caught up in moving forward and forgetting what hurts that we forget we still need to take care of ourselves. I know that sounds almost crazy. Isn't part our process of becoming restored taking care of ourselves?

I have found it hard to do so. It is almost like I am running this race but forgetting to fuel up.

This is so bad for us.

We need to remember to keep refueling- recharging. We need to be balanced so that when those crises hit we don't get thrown to the ground...we are just a little unstable.

We need to prepare!

I'm having a lot of trouble lately not just going through the motions of life but actually just living...and of course that throws me off completely. I need help and support and love.

What do you need to be restored, balanced? What do you need to LOVE yourself?

Let me know.
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Running Out of Story

2010-01-18T23:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt like you have run out of stories to tell? When someone calls you that you haven't spoken to in awhile and yet you still have nothing to say?

That is how I have felt for the last month or so that I have been MIA. Of course there was holiday crazy-ness and also some sadness in my family but whenever I sat down to write something I was left empty.

I feel like I have ran out of story. I have nothing left to say. I have nothing left to talk about. I have counseling tomorrow and I really don't want to go because I feel like I am done. I am unable to compute my emotions.

Doesn't that just leave you feeling helpless? That is sort of how I feel right now, but even in the midst of that I am remembering what I came into this to do.

I want to become restored to who I am meant to be.

Over the last few months one of my grievances about all of my introspection was that I truly felt like I lost the ability to care for others. That is a part of me that brings me so much joy but for some reason I was unable to do so. I felt devoid without being able to help people.

A couple weeks ago I was still struggling with this, I was feeling down and tired when I remembered something my mom used to tell the people she sponsored. She had one lady who she told whenever she was feeling like that to bake cookies and take them to the firehouse or to a neighbor. She needed to involve herself.

So I decided to try this. It was almost if I was not creating my story but deciding to step back into the story that was already being read.

I want to encourage you guys to step back into your story. I'm trying desperately to do so but I have been struggling lately. To step into your story is to try to get back on the path that God is calling you too. It's been hard for me lately but I am hoping that I can get back to telling my story and hopefully hearing some of yours.

For the new readers of this blog I would love for you to send me your stories of hope, of trials, of your process of becoming restored.

We all have a story. Whether or not we are in that story at this moment is up to us. I know it can be hard and I can say right now that I potentially don't even want to try. BUT our stories were meant for us and MADE for us.

Step back into your story today. Veer closer to the path
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

A Letter of Urgency

2009-12-01T22:47:00.000-08:00

This is as much for me as it is for encouragement for all.

Dear Child,
Don't give up.
I see it in your eyes
Hear it in the flutter of your heart.
You're thinking about giving up.
About ceasing to exist in this fight
About just going through the motions.

You feel lost.
Hopeless.
Alone.

Remember I become lost.
I became hopeless
I became alone.
So you could battle those feelings

Don't give up.

I see every tear that you push back in your eye
I see the doors you keep open so you have
no privacy to cry.

Cry.
I will catch your tears.
I won't let you stumble.
I will hold your hand.

My Child, don't give up.

You are priceless.
You are gold being made smooth.
you are the only one of you.

This world needs your smile.
They need to see the joy you bring.

Don't give up.

My child you are so dear to me.
Do you see how I am with the animals during the rains?
I am even more so with you during your storms.

Please my child I beg of you.
Don't give up.

I will restore you to health.
I will help you continue live.

Please my child don't give up.
Just remain in MY Love

No matter what
I am here with you.

remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Sleep...

2009-11-17T22:38:00.000-08:00

Than they get in all their shopping sprees.
At day's end I'm ready for sound sleep,
For you, God, have put my life back together.

Psalm 4:7-8 the message

I just want to encourage all of you today to know that God will help restore us.

Sleep in peace tonight
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Encouraging memo

2009-11-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

RESTORED

Walk in the hope you feel.
You may not be completely restored yet but restoration is WHO YOU ARE

Walk in that today.
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Amazing Poem

2009-11-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

I read this poem today while shopping with a friend. It was in a book entitled "Ten poems that will change your life"

This is called "Awaken as the Beloved" originally in greek by Symeon the New Theologian

We awaken in Christ's body
as Christ awakens our bodies,
and my poor hand is Christ, He enters
my foot, and is infinitely me.

I move my hand, and wonderfully
my hand becomes Christ, becomes all of Him
(for God is indivisibly
whole, seamless in His Godhood).

I move my foot, and at once
He appears like a flash of lightning.
Do my words seem blasphemous? -- Then
open your heart to Him

and let yourself receive the one
who is opening to you so deeply.
For if we genuinely love Him,
we wake up inside Christ's body

where all our body, all over,
every most hidden part of it,
is realized in joy as Him,
and He makes us, utterly, real,

and everything that is hurt, everything
that seemed to us dark, harsh, shameful,
maimed, ugly, irreparably
damaged, is in Him transformed

and recognized as whole, as lovely,
and radiant in His light
he awakens as the Beloved
in every last part of our body.

Remember you ARE Beloved
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Keep Going!

2009-11-02T00:01:00.000-08:00

"If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?"
-Beth Moore

That is hard to hear isn't it. I read that in my devotion this Sunday after an amazing day of inner celebration. As I had knelt at the cross that morning I thought of kneeling at the same cross a year ago. At that point I could barely enter the building of my church without sobbing.

This Sunday I was feeling incredibly joyous.

I realize that I am not fully done and I never will be but God is doing a GREAT work in me right now. It gets mucky and rocky sometimes and I have to FIGHT to not question my emotions but in that moment on Sunday I had joy. I had freedom.

I was singing out the words "Hosanna Hosanna in the Highest" and I meant them.
I was praying in earnest and meant it! It is a blessing to mean the joy that I feel.

I want to encourage you if you are in your depths you are there for a reason. You will learn you will grow. You WILL become restored.

If you have read my prior blogs you will see that I have a tattoo on my foot "remain in my love". Today in celebration I got another. Some people said i should make it "become restored" but a good point was brought up to me. In Christ I am fully restored...I just have to own it and walk it in. So today I got "Restored" tattoo-ed on my wrist. And among all of the bumper stickers and sayings all over the shop one said, "If you are going through hell...keep going." -winston churchill

And I fully agree with that.

Keep Going...you will get there! Remember the GOD that is doing a good work in you will finish it!

Be encouraged in your journey today
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Happy November!

2009-11-01T01:45:00.000-07:00

Psalm 23 [the message]

1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.

The Lord is Our Sheperd we shall not want
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

One Year Ago...

2009-10-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Today is the day the my journey truly started a year ago....Today on this day a year ago I was sobbing. Crying. My world collapsed. I was depressed. seriously scarily depressed.

I felt it this week that this day was coming up.

I want to have praised to do. We need to praise God for bringing us through things. Even when we are in the middle of it.

So here are my praises. MY thanksgiving.

I praise you Lord for bring me closer to you
I praise you for showing me your heart for me
I praise you for giving me people to lift me up
I praise you for holding your hand out to me.
I praise you for the depths because they make the heights even more glorious
I praise you for the tears that cleanse my soul
I praise you for the passions you've given me
I praise you for your Love

I have so many more praises that I am going to repeat to myself all day tomorrow.

I am going to write the following verse on my arm to encourage me...to remind me. This next week might be tough as memories infiltrate my mind and everything around me will try to hurt my head.

Philippians 1:6 (the message)
There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

God will finish this work in me. God will finish this work in you
remain in HIS love.
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Day of Rest

2009-10-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

My friends I am sorry for the lack of posting. Sickness, work and school is not a good combo.

Here is a little something for you today on this lovely Sunday:

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows.
-Helen Keller

Keep your focus on CHRIST today
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

I'm working...

2009-10-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

On a moment of being restored.

I'd love to hear YOUR stories or restoration.

Please send them to: become.restored@gmail.com

remain in HIS love
become restored

Take Care

2009-10-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

In the last couple days I have strived to find things that I can do to figure out to live this life I want to lead. And one of the things I have learned that I truly need to do is to take care of all of the parts of my body.

So one of the things I have decided to do is to take up being creative. I took a cake decorating class, I make jewlery and know I am doing a paint by number. I know that sounds funny but the last two days one of the most relaxing parts of day is sitting outside drinking hot chocolate and doing my paint my number.

One thing I have learned in this process of become restored is that we have to learn new ways of refreshing ourselves because clearly whatever we were doing was not working completely. It is so important to re-engerize and as we come to another week I want to encourage you to continually re-energize yourself.

I want to also encourage you to share. Share your stories, your thoughts, your lessons you have learned. What you have gone through WILL touch and bless someone else. Be encouraged in that today

Take care of your mind, your heart, your soul, your body today
Have some fun
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

A quote for the books

2009-10-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

On Friday at work my boss had us each pull a random quote from her hands. She does this from time to time and without fail the quotes each of us pull reverberate to our core.

This time was no different.

I have been struggling lately with doubting myself that I am getting better. [more on that later in the week]

This is the quote I pulled:

"In my experience it is possible to struggle with doubt and stand by faith on a platform of assurance at the same time"
-author unknown

Chew on that this sunday
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Psalm 23

2009-10-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

I want you to do a little exercise with Psalm 23. It was amazing to me reading this psalm in the time of life I am in right now.

I encourage you to read this and look for what you find:
awareness
gratitude
confession
petition

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

I want to share my petition with you. I'm petition God to stay by my side. I know he is. But sometimes I feel the need to plead, to beg.

My gratitude is that God's goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. He will be there.

I encourage you to read this psalm in whatever place in life you are today.

The Lord is our Shepard. We shall not want
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Prayer

2009-10-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

I love my "neighbors".

A lot.

Today my prayer I want to share with you is this.

"Lord, help me love MYSELF as I love my neighbor".

That is the hardest prayer for me to actually believe.

What is your hard prayer?

The more we pray our hard prayers that better chance we might believe them.
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

detours

2009-10-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

An interesting word came to my mind today helping a friend: detour.

Have you ever felt like your life took a detour? Honestly I realized right now that for the most part my life was on a detour and I am finally slowing getting back on the track I am supposed to.

Where has your live detoured?

One of the most evident detours in my life in the past few years I think was when I turned to drinking a little too much. It was before I knew that I was heading to a dark place but in honesty the drinking probably helped it a lot. Mind you I didn’t get drunk a lot. I didn’t turn to alcohol to burn out my problems but I definetly was using it in ways that I knew was unhealthy to me.

I have memory of a low point in this era of my life. I think that people would laugh at it but even I look at in shock. It was when I took a puff off a cigarette. Yes a puff. A single puff. Not a big deal right?

To me for some reason it was. Just like when I took that first drink out of a sobe bottle filled with rum.

It’s those little tiny miniscule detours in life that cause us to veer away from the course we are on without even knowing it.

I try hard to not let my life detour in big ways. I watch myself take care of myself but I realized I could make ten small choices and be so far off track because of those.

I want to start looking at my small detours more in life. Where I take a trail that leads me slightly off my road. I think in realizing these small things we will be able to even more so figure out when are veering off the path in a big way.

Let’s not let these small steps off the path screw us up as much as a jump of the cliff.

Be loved today.
Remain in HIS love
Become restored
Become.restored@gmail.com

Psalm 40

2009-10-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

I was listening to my Travis Cottrell play list while reading for school this morning before church and I really for the first heard the words to Psalm 40.

I really heard them.

I am going to write down from the Message this verse and memorize it.

I want to encourage you to find a verse this week that really speaks to you.

I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch,
pulled me from deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock
to make sure I wouldn't slip.
He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,
a praise-song to our God.
More and more people are seeing this:
they enter the mystery,
abandoning themselves to God.

Enter the mystery this week
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Day of Rest

2009-10-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

Risk

And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom

-Anias Nin

REST today and remember...
We are all learning to bloom
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Words from others

2009-10-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

"He will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years
This is our God"

-Chris Tomlin

God has been wiping away my tears lately. Before they even fall on my face.

"but in the dark but heart is strangely blest; yea in the gloom my soul obtains its rest; for spite of night I find that GOD on high is near the anguished soul where 'er it lie" - h frost

sometimes we need lean on the words of others in order to get through the times where we lack them

Be encouraged to give and take words freely to help yourselves and to help others through times of darkness

remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Frazzled

2009-10-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

{thankfulness for thursday: the teacher I aide for brings me great GREAT joy.}

I feel frazzled.

It's the new word I am using in place of overwhelmed. I don't truly feel overwhelmed but I do feel slightly frazzled. I posted a prayer for Thursday and to tell you truthfully I forgot about it. And at night I could feel that I had forgotten about the prayer. I had a good day, really. But my ends didn't meet together. There was some room for breath that I didn't take.

I think that sometimes I am like a broken record but I want to encourage to take that breath. I don't want you to come out of the end of the day and be frazzled. To feel not put together.

It's how I have felt the last few days; so apparently I need to look at the four fingers pointing back at me when I point at you.

And here in lies one of the reason why I wanted to start this blog. Have you ever constantly told someone something and you realized that the person you are meaning to tell is yourself? I find myself writing a lot from the heart lately and my heart is telling me to slow down and breath before I end up in another train wreck.

So thank you for being my sounding board. Remember I am always here to do the same.

So once again; Breathe Today
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

day of prayer

2009-10-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

{thankfulness for wednesday: I'm thankful for fruit snacks. Don't judge}

Heavenly Father,
Breathe life into me. Show me new what your plans are for me. Show me what your hopes and dreams are for me.

Breathe fresh air into me. Help me see the blue skies. The fluffy white clouds. Help me see the future on the horizon but still step into the green grass of today.

Breathe restoration. Breathe love.

I am weary God. I need your hope and your renewing energy.

Fulfill me. Let you be fulfillment for me.

In your precious holy name
Amen.

Pray for breathe today
Remain in HIS love
Become restored
Become.restored@gmail.com

No Words

2009-10-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

{tuesday thankfulness: thankful for the smiles of the kids I work with}

I have no words today. I am tired and my thoughts don't roll together.

Goodness.

So instead of rambling on I want to leave you with a verse my boss gave us for our devotions today. It was an encouragement to me in the moment that I read it. What has been encouragement to you in those rough days?

Philippians 1:6 (the message)
There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

God will finish this work in you, in me
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Come just as you are

2009-10-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

{Monday thankfulness: I'm thankful for the second cup of coffee I had at lunch while I was curled up in the teacher's room laughing and talking with the wonderful ladies I work~ what little thing are you thankful for today?}

"The most important thing in prayer is that we present ourselves as we are before God as He is"
-Thomas Merton No Man is An Island

Do you find it hard to come to God in prayer accepting who you are in that moment?

I do. I have been battling being tired. Not tired of the body but tired of the soul. I am exhausted. I have to struggle to find strength to mesh through my days which is not only tiring but kind of scary to admit. I'm not lacking joy- I'm not sad, but my body just reminds me of my computer battery. It says it's fully charged but the minute I pull the cord out it drops down to 7% full.

I find it so hard this days just to collapse before God's feet. It's difficult. I need to remember that God is unchanging and He is here to help me not matter what my state is.

During worship on Sunday morning I lacked the strength to stand and worship at the same time. If I was standing I couldn't sing. I just couldn't. My soul was tired. That's when I heard God tell me "come as you are" It was ok for me to sit and sing praises. That is how I was that day in that moment. And it was freeing.

When we begin to come to God as we are we are able to allow him to work on us AS WE ARE. And that can be kind of scary. To put yourself before God's feet broken and hurting, as He already knows we are, can be the point where we break down, where we let all of our emotions out there.

But that is OK my friends. When we are able to come before God, the great Comforter, Healer and the Lover of our Soul, as we are, we know that in that moment we are being truthful and we are allowing Him to work through us. To restore us.

It's ok to be tired, to be drag out, to let our souls take a nap before God.
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Fall

2009-10-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

I love fall.

There are signs of fall in the OC right now. It's chilly out. I am wearing a sweater sitting in a big comfy chair with the promise of hot chocolate and a reading a good book in my horizon.

This year though fall reminds me of darkness. I was laying on the couch Sunday afternoon and I could smell fall. I suddenly had a complete sensory memory. Last year at this time I was in the thick of it. I was on the downward spiral to some really bad times. It was one of those moments that you just realize that you are so far from where you were.

I am so far from where I was.

I sit here though with the mindset that I am going to take back my fall. Because pumpkin spice lattes and my purple coat bring me joy. I know that sounds silly but I want to encourage you to find things that bring you joy in small ways this week.

For me it will be having hot chocolate at night. Reading a good book. Sitting in silence.

Each day this week I am going to start each of my posts with what brought me a little bit of happiness--even in the midst of what could be a very chaotic week.

What do you think might bring you joy this week in the midst of chaos, darkness, sadness?

Let me know how that goes for you.

Happy Fall. Happy Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

Find joy this week
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Sunday of joy

2009-10-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Happiness is anything and everything that's loved by you"
-You're a Good Man Charlie Brown

That's my quote for this Sunday. and I want you to remember that. You are loved. YOU are treasured.

You are joy.

Be happy today.
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Letter to myself

2009-10-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

I am in desperate need for someone to tell me that I am doing ok. I realized last night the person that needed to tell me I was doing ok was me. So here is a letter that I wrote to myself.

To Me:
You are doing OK. Look where you have come from? Remember last year when you couldn't even smile? When one wrong look would send you into a fit of tears?

You are doing immensely better.

Seriously. Listen to me. I know what I am talk about. Trust your feelings. You are an amazing woman of God who is learning so much about yourself. You are finding a way to maintain joy.

Do not listen to those voices that are telling you otherwise. Do not take in the pitying looks of those who haven't seen you in awhile. Don't let others drag you into the hole.

You can do this. You ARE doing this.

Be who you are meant to be
I love you and believe in you
ME

What would you write to yourself? share become.restored@gmail.com

Believe in your journey. Have faith
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Phone books

2009-09-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

Yes...phone books. I read an illustration about carrying phone books and placing them on doorsteps as a job. (Let's take a moment and contemplating how that job would suck).

And the person in the story figured out how many phone books were their max capacity. And if they put one more phone book on top of that the whole stack would plummeted.

So here is my question: How many phone books am I holding right now? I am walking around with 9 phone books when a tenth would make me collapse? Why would I want to walk around with nine phone books?

I thrive off of helping people. I thrive off of being busy. I've not having a moment to myself. I thrive off of carrying 12 phone books when my max capacity is ten. And then suddenly out of no where what happens?

I drop every phone book.

I need to start thinking. Not about how many phone books I need to carry to maintain a balanced life. But how many phone books I should carry.

How busy should I be? And I need to remember time for myself in there. Each time I take time for myself I am setting down a phone book to relax my arms. I am NOT good at this at all my friends. I am actually horrible at it. There is always a voice in my head saying that I need to carry more and do more to mean something.

That is not true. You need to carrying the phone books you need to carry. You need to remember to SET THEM DOWN. Stretch your arms. Take a breath. We are not meant to walk around carrying 12 phone books. We are not meant to walk around carrying everyone's burdens or problems.

We are meant to do what God created us to do. And that is different for each and every one of us.

This a part of my story. I need to learn to take care of myself. So I can do more for the people around me and also the people that God puts in my life to serve.

Put down some phone books today
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Days to hold in the palm of your hand

2009-09-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

I sat outside yesterday reading on my patio. It was a little bit chilly but I had a hoodie on.

I then I found myself at Disneyland going on a ride with a friend

And then I found myself laying on the floor listening to Harry Connick Jr.

Sure work was completely amazing. I had to yell at more children then I'd like too.

But it was for sure one of those "days to hold on to" I'm sure you know them. There those days where you go "wow, I am blessed, I need to remember this for that next day that I fell awful"

Do we ever?

I have decided that is one of the ways I am going to desperately try to rewrite my story with.

I want to be able to ACTUALLY REMEMBER those sunny days. I want to hold them in my pocket and when I am feeling overwhelmed and unable to function I can say with my heart "it's going to be ok. I have this day in my hand. I know it will pass."

I want to encourage you to hold on to those days. A year ago I was holding on to days by not sleeping. I didn't want a day to end to start into another day because I didn't want to have to wake up and face the world again. That is a horrible way to live life my friends. Believe me. Those days were some of the most tragic in my life. Sleep Deprivation, not enjoying moments with the kids, holding back tears at every turn. But they were made worse by me not allowing myself to remember good days, remember hope.

Don't wish your bad days away. Remember the good ones.
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Start this week out rewriting your story...

2009-09-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

I went and heard Donald Miller speak last night.
And it was amazing,
I was like a giddy schoolgirl who had nothing witty to say when I got his autograph but I can't wait to read his new book and hear more of what he said last night.

He talked about rewriting the story of your life to make it means something. Stepping into God's story.

I was just thinking about that during church Sunday morning. How I need to become a grown-up. How I truly need to step into God's story for my life.

I've learned that when God wants to get you to understand something he really makes the effort to do so.

So I want to encourage you on this Monday to begin contemplating what your story is supposed to be. I am going to be doing the same and sharing my thoughts with you this week.

I pray that you had a restful weekend and feel restored for the week to come.
May your Monday be encouraging and get you through whatever trials you may have.

Let's finally open our books and start living the life made for us
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Live as if this is all there is.

2009-09-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

I took a moment of rest the past couple of days. I needed it and still plan on resting more today. But I wanted to come back and encourage you to rest today. Sundays are meant for that though they can turn out to be one of the craziest days of the week.

Rest today.

Prepare for the week to come.

“Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.”
-mary anne radmacher

Be today
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Got to keep on moving!

2009-09-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

“But from then on, only half of my men worked while the other half stood guard with spears, shields, bows, and coats of mail. The leaders stationed themselves behind the people of Judah who were building the wall. The laborers carried on their work with one hand supporting their load and one hand holding a weapon.”
Nehemiah 4:16-17

These laborers in Nehemiah were on edge in case they were going to get attack but the thing was they had to keep working. So they worked and kept moving forward but had in the other hand a sword. They were ready to defend and protect themselves though all the while they still moved forward.

This verse was given to me by two people. And I did not get it. Then it was explained to me a little better.

I am in a process. I need to keep moving forward. I need to keep living my life.

But I have to be ready to fight.

My body is tired and weary.

My HEART is tired and weary.

But I need to keep moving forward all the while still remembering that I need to be careful. I need to take care of myself. To open my heart process to you—it was a year ago that I was slowly on the downward spiral. I lost my joy. My heart. I can feel it again. I am better because I am learning and processing. I am taking care of myself but I need to remember everyday to do so. Sometimes every hour I need to take a breath to get through the day.

I cannot forget that I am still being restored.

You cannot forget that you are continually in a process of restoration. We are all like those builders who are building with a hammer in one hand and a sword in the other.
Let God remind you through the day. When you feel that weariness—that tug in your hear of tiredness, take a breath, raise your sword and continue on hammering.

It is my prayer today that we all remember our process of restoration. We all remember where we have been and where we are. May we not forget what God has brought us through. May we have the knowledge that God loves us so deeply.

Continue living in your process of restoration today
Remain in HIS love
Become restored
Become.restored@gmail.com

Those days...we all have them

2009-09-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we just need a moment to breath. Sometimes we need a day of rest in the middle of the week. This is what we are doing today.

I don't want to mindless type words to you my friends. I want to pray over them and send them out to you.

So today I want you to do something that I do. It is going to sound weird. And slightly selfish maybe. But it is simple

Pray for yourself with your WHOLE heart. Not want you want or need. But for God to lead you in your journey. To lead you to people, hearts, that give you strength.

Just pray for yourself today as I will be for myself. Sometimes we need days that we just pray that God gives us strength to move through.

Be re-energized at the cross today
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Remember for a Tired Heart

2009-09-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

My heart is a little tired. And moreover I am. I just want to leave you this Tuesday with a song I wrote. It's my psalm, my prayer. When I need strength I sing these words God gave me as a reminder.

When my heart is leery
of another day
and my eyes would
just like to close
When my breath becomes
softer still

You lead me here
Right to the cross
And at this moment
My world is at loss

You hold me tightly
Infuse me love

Your overwhelming love

What are you words of hope today? What is your story thats lifts you up? Write to me at become.restored@gmail.com

Be reminded of God's love today
Remain in it.
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

We are meant to do GREAT things

2009-09-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

Do you know that you are an ordinary person meant to do EXTRAORDINARY things?

I know it's an odd concept to comprehend. But it is one that has on numerous occasion been put a platter and read to me. It is especially hard to grasp when you feel like you are going through hell.

I have had so many passions in my life. So many passions. I have a passion for music, for writing, for kids, for people, for listening. I never knew what I wanted to do in my life. I knew that I must have had some sort of passion that overwhelms all the others. Some desire that that overtook all of my energy and was what gave me energy.

I was all set to do my teaching credentials last year at this time. And then I lost it. All. And I realized I did not want to be a teacher. It wasn't my full heart. My full heart is being there for people. For sharing my heart.

What is your heart? Your passions? What can be your light during your rough time? Whatever is going on in your heart right now is a part of a process. Your trials will help you with whatever you may do in life. It will build you up. It will strengthen you.

I pray that at the start of this week you begin to ask what you passion is. I pray that this week you see a glimpse of hope and light. I pray that this week you see a glimpse of the plan for your life. Just a glimpse. Just enough to possibly get you through what is going on in your life.

I pray that you find hope in the passions of your heart this week.
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Day of Rest

2009-09-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

The quote for this Sunday:

"Whether you know it or not you are already there- you are the beauty..the wisdom...the passion...the knowledge...the fire...the calm...the heart and the soul...you are the star of your being...all you have to do is let your self shine"
-author unknown

Have a restful Sunday
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Moments

2009-09-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

I don't understand myself sometimes. I can start off the day beautifully-- I can be in a great mood. Smile on my face, jokes, loving life.

2 hours later- a comment, a look, a thought- And I am gone. I am in a the zone of anxiety. And I cannot stand that.

I don't know why allow people or myself to steal my joy.
This is one of those things I that I am constantly battling.

Why do we let people steal our joy? What do we let fabulous happy days turn dark and stormy because of a remark.

When my joy is stolen I feel beat down, and my strength is diminished. It takes me a minute-- I have to breath. Calm myself.

I know that I have talked a lot about taking deep breaths and living in the moment. Truly it's because it is what I am working through "from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks". It is my heart right now to calm my anxiety and to learn how to take deep breaths and enjoy moments in life. I want to pray that YOU enjoy your moments. Don't multi-task your day away.

Since it is Saturday take a moment for yourself. I plan on doing that today. I need to take moments for me. Take moments for yourself and do not let people take them away. Savor the joy in your life.

Have a beautiful calming joyful Saturday
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Shadows

2009-09-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

"the shadow proves there's sunshine"
-switchfoot

Have you ever thought of that? When you are walking down the street and you look down-- you see a shadow. You know what that means?

There is sun.

There is a light in the darkness raring to get out. Your shadow PROVES there is a light in your life.

I have had a rough week. But all the while I know that there is a light because I see a shadow. This song lyric is just one of those amazing reminders in my life during a rough week.

This is all I want to give you on this Friday. Your shadow PROVES there's sunshine. There is ALWAYS light in your life. There is ALWAYS hope. I am reminding myself of this as much as I pray that it reminds you. So I just want to leave you with a prayer for the weekend.

Heavenly Father God we lift up to you this past week. We thank you for the joys and trials that you have brought us through. Our prayer is that you remind us of your light. That is our daily prayer. Remind us of your light. Open our eyes so we are no longer in dark despair.
Show us our shadows.
Amen

Be ok walking in the shadows today
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Dead Leaves

2009-09-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I talked about a book called “the deeper journey”. One of the concepts that the author talks about is that our identity is truly whatever our life is rooted in. I personally always thought that I was rooted in Christ. But after reading this I realized that the one identity I wanted to not be I had become.

Depressed. I fought against this identity. I. fought. I am working on become a Christ rooted person. But as I look back I can see how the last season in my life was rooted in depression.

I see a picture of this full tree. With lusciously green leaves. Out of the corner of my eye I see a dead leaf. I pull it off and toss it town. But as look closer I see more and more dead leaves. And all I can think of is that something in the roots is causing this tree to die.

Something in my life was causing the leaves on my tree to die. For some reason I feel like if my life was rooted in Christ the leaves would not be dying so rapidly.

As I am coming out of this season I am able to see more that my life was rooted in depression. In sadness. In anxiety. That is not a joyful thing to live in. At the core of it was a really horribly sad time in my life.

In the begin of this blog I talked about the beginning of my testimony. It has been very hard for me to finish how my journey is going. I am going to tell you a part of it that still kind of scares me to this day.

In June of this summer my doctor decided to up the medication I was on because it wasn’t really doing its job. About a week later I found myself in one of the darkest moments of my life. It wasn’t that anything bad happened. I was just there. And staring in the bathroom mirror one Sunday morning a thought crossed my head—it was just be easier if I was in heaven. I stared back in the mirror and could not believe what had just gone through my head.

At church that night I finally just had to give my emotions up to God. The minute I prayed that prayer my friend unknowing of what was going on in my head laid her hand on my knee and began praying for me. And I lost it. I couldn't believe I had gone so far down this road. I ended up talking to my counselor on the phone in a parking lot huddled under a blanket.

I’m actually shaking a little just thinking of that moment. Looking back at the moment I know exactly where my roots were. I could see them because I was in the bottom of the hole staring straight at them. They were sinking in a black mud, a deep black mud that had nothing good in it.

Since that time I’m working on replanting my roots. It’s a long process but it’s still going. I can slowly see my leaves becoming healthy again

I want to encourage you today to dig a hole and look at your roots. What are they planted in? Sometimes it is extremely hard to look at the cause of the issues rather then just the symptoms. We could think that our plant just needs watering but in reality in needs to be replanted.

I pray that you are able to clearly see what your life is rooted in-- even if it is completely scary and even though you know replanting things in your life will hurt; you are strong enough to start this journey. We don't need a lot of strength to begin our process of restoration because God is right there with us. So begin today. Right in this moment.

Start replanting
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Be Filled.

2009-09-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

I am in a grad program that requires me to read some amazing books. Recently I finished "A deeper journey" by M Robert Mulholland Jr. It truly gave me so much to think about.

My favorite part in it was when Mulholland used the illustration of an open cylinder. He says that God is on one side and everyone else is on the other side and we are the cylinder. God's fullness flows through us- fills us and flows out to other people.

This made me think. When has God's fullness flowed through me to someone else? And when has God's fullness touched me through someone else.

While I hope the first has happened and that God has been able to flow through me, I know that God's fullness has blessed me and touched me through other people.

This is one of the ways we know that Jesus is working in our lives. When he puts people around us to bless us and to uses them to show us some of His fullness.

I was able to talk to two of those people in my life today. People I don't talk to on a normal basis. These two ladies have gone through stuff but they never cease to encourage because of the way they lead their lives. God's fullness has completely flowed through them to me.

Think of the people that bless you and who have been instruments of God's fullness. God is so good that he puts people in your lives to lift you up. "Friends are like angels who lift us to our feet when are wings have troubling remembering to fly."

My friends have been Jesus to me during my hard times and I only hope the things that I have learned through them can help out people that I meet on the road. So today I encourage you to allow your friends fullness of God to touch you. And allow God's fullness to flow through you to touch others.

Be a cylinder today
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Grateful List

2009-09-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

Remember how I supremely dislike Mondays?

Well...everything happened this Monday morning possible to get me into a anxiety ridden mood.

Sadly it worked. It took me a minute-- a couple hugs from coworkers and smiles from the kids but I got back on track.

Last year when these days would take me under at one point or another I would call my mom. And she would almost always say the same thing.

"But what are you grateful for...make a grateful list"

And I would almost always get angry with her. But as in most cases my mom was right and that would always help me.

Sometimes we just need to take a minute and focus on the good. No matter what there is always good.

My list:
1. My Jesus
2. My roommates and our apartment--that we have a roof over our heads
3. My family--that I have one
4. My job. Not many people can be happy to go to work every day
5. Being in a church community like the ones I am involved in.
6. My ability to use words and read
7. Being in my comfy chair and enjoying tea-- the little things
8. The Starbucks barista knowing my drink before I walk in the door

There are SO many other things that I am grateful for. And even in those moments of anxiety, stress, sadness-- if I take just a second and can remember at least one of these it gives me a moment of peace and clarity.

My prayer for you to today is that if you are feeling stressed, sad or anxious that you have even a small moment of clarity-- a small breath of fresh air. Remember there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I had a picture today of a nightlight in a huge room. You may be lost and searching but there is that one solitary light that reminds you that there are walls to this room. The light of hope is there. Take a moment to breath and settle and see it.

Be grateful for the small things today.
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Runaway Train

2009-09-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

I always need encouragement and motivation for Mondays. Mondays follow Sundays. Sundays are my favorite. Mondays are not. Even when you get done with Monday you still have this whole week left. So I would love to make Mondays for encouragement to get us through the week.

I already feel like this week is going to be overwhelming. It's going to be a crazy one. I have something other then work everyday of the week. Plus homework. I can't stop writing to-do list in my head or processing how each day can work. This brings me great anxiety. I can already see myself not taking time out for myself. And that is just extremely stressful

Do you ever feel like your life is a runaway train? Like you are never going to catch up to it? Do you ever feel like you just need to get through life?

I have answered yes to these questions many times over the last year.

I just have four words for you and me. We can do it.

Life is not just for getting through. Life is for living. For experiences. I MISSED so many moments last year because I was yearning just to get through life.

I encourage you even in your deepest of moments to take a deep breath. Take a moment to get centered.

A prayer I learned when I was very little was the serenity Prayer

God grant me the SERENITY to ACCEPT the things I cannot change the COURAGE to change the things I can and the STRENGTH to know the difference.

I say this to myself as a reminder. I encourage you to find a reminder in your life.
Even though it's Monday and Mondays can suck it's still a day to live our lives- live our purpose- learn our purpose. Slap the Mondays in the face. I plan on doing that today.

I pray that you stop that runaway train today
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Day of Rest

2009-09-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sundays are going to be simple. I just want to bring a quote that has brought me or someone else joy, hope or just a laugh during a rough time.

This is essentially my life quote

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Do you have something that you can look at in the hard times? Email me at become.restored@gmail.com

Have an amazing, relaxing, restful Sunday.
Take moments for yourself to breath and enjoy the day
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Remain in my love

2009-09-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

I have signed all of my post with "Remain in HIS love" and I just wanted to let you all know where it was from.

One day I was reading John 15 and came the phrase "remain in my love" and it really spoke to me. So much so that I got it tattoo-ed on my foot as a reminder to me.

I hope that it can be a reminder to you as well

When you are in a dark place and feel alone
remain in my love
When your heart is broken
remain in my love
When you feel anxious and stressed
remain in my love
When you have lost someone in your life
remain in my love
When your life feels turn on it's head
remain in my love

Whatever you are going through remember to remain in God's love. It also makes me think of the poem "Footprints"

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
-Carolyn Joyce Carty

Remember whatever you are going through if you remain in God's love he will always be there to carry you. When you are at your weakest and lowest God is there to catch you from completely falling.

I've fallen pretty hard over the last year. I found myself at one point crying in a parking lot on the phone with my counselor. But I know even then God was still carrying me. I have this on my foot so when I look down when I am hard spot I remember to keep my eyes on Jesus. Remaining in his loving embrace.

Sometimes that's the only thing we have the strength do to

Let HIM be your strength today
remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

My Prayer

2009-09-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

This my prayer for this year:

"My prayer for this year is not for you to bring me back to where I used to be, but for You to refine me into something new. I want this year to be for you. Make this year for you. Continue refining me and making me yours God. It's been rough but I'm beginning and starting to be what you created me to be. Amen" Jan. 4th 2009.

I can't remember what song it was but as I was worshiping in church one day I stopped and listened to the words. And I automatically disagreed with them. It talked about God returning them to before the hard times. I thought-- if I just went through these hard times why would I want to go back to who I was before that? I have been changed by my hard times. I still continued to be renewed by my challenges and grow through my trials.

My prayer for you is that even if you are grieving right now, if you are heartbroken, if you are anxious that somewhere in the back of your mind you realize that through these trials you are becoming a stronger person. You are going to change because of these experiences. You won't be the same person.

But that's ok.

Dallas Willard in his book "the renovation of the heart" says, “The human spirit….takes on whichever character it has from the experiences and the choices that we have lived through and made in our past,”

The things we live through make up our character.

Stay strong through the hard times you go through. And remember that staying strong doesn't have to be enduring and staying silent.

Being strong can be remember it is ok to just cry.

Have a joyful Friday
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Talk...don't just listen

2009-09-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Talking

I have this fear of talking about myself. I honestly would rather never talk to a friend about my problems. I have this horrid feeling that in doing this I am being a burden to someone.

Have you ever gotten that little voice in your head that has said—“don’t do it, don’t talk about that problem- look at so and so- your life isn’t that bad. It doesn’t even deserve mentioning”

I hate that voice.

It silences me.

I think that is one of the reasons that I got so far into my depression. I didn’t talk. I would rather listen to my friends, be there for them, bless them.

When I finally got into counseling I HATED it. I had to sit there for an hour in this horrible tension of someone asking me about myself, my problems, my life. Ugh. That is the worse emotional feeling in the world. I could not stand it.

My counselor asked me to think about myself; contemplate etc. And I was so mad. I walked home angrily that day. I had survived 24 years NOT thinking about myself but about others and I was relatively fine.

When I went back the next session I told him this. I said I HATED thinking about myself. He said that essentially he didn’t believe that I thought about myself 20% of the time.

He then said a key thought that has affected my life greatly. He asked if I was blessed when I listened to and helped my friends. I said yes—he then asked me “Why are you taking away their blessing of helping you?”

….

It is still hard for me to talk about my issues and not feel like they are insignificant. But I’m getting better. I want to urge and encourage you to bless your friends in that way by allowing them to listen to you and help you through your hard times. Remember the words in Corinthians. God comforts us so we have the words to comfort others.

Let words you hear and read comfort you.
Let them restore you. You can be comforted in anyway. God has many venues that He will comfort you.

Remember to remain in HIS love
Become Restored
Become.restored@gmail.com

My Senses List

2009-09-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Thank you to my friends
to which you know who you are
for blessing me with your presence
for lifting me up out of my darkness
and shining some of your own God given light on me"
-M.M.R

I have talked already a lot about my friends, my support, the people in my life who were Jesus to me during this time. These people TRULY shined their God-given light then and now daily.

In October of last year the week that I went through some incredible hard times I had many of my close friends that knew what was going on checking up on me. One of my girls that lived about an hour away was doing this as well. But little did I know she was driving to see me two days after I collapsed with emotion.

That Friday there was a knock on my door and it was my friend. She pulled me outside and took me to our table at our favorite coffee shop and looked into my eyes and just listened to me.

She has a story as well. Because of this she had a list in her pocket that her counselor made with her. She sat there that day at our table and made a list for me. I want to share that list with you and encourage you to make one as well!

This list is full of things that bring me simple peace and joy. The part of the list has a lot of impact on my life has been my HEAR list. But first I will go through the SEE, TASTE, SMELL and TOUCH. Yes, it's my five senses list. :)

Touch:
My mexico blanket
H& M Sweater
bath & body socks
going on a walk
getting a hug from a friend

Taste:
diet coke
green tea
clementines
whoopie pie

Smell:
Love Spell
cucumber melon
lavender
holiday sparkle candle

See:
Beauty & the beast
The American President
Live Free or Die Hard
FRIENDS

Hear:
This is Our God
Everything
The Shadow Proves Theres Sunshine
Be Near
This is Home
I can Only Imagine
Lift up your Eyes
Beauty for Ashes

My hear list from that day on got me to work everyday. This things aren't something to lean on. They are a comfort, a gift, memories that bring you peace. Sometimes in life we just need a little help.

My prayer for you today is you find something that brings you comfort when you need it; be it a hug, a worship song, the smell of a candle that takes you to a joyous memory. God gave us our senses for a reason. They are to be used in all aspects of our lives. Our senses are used to experience the amazing facets of Gods glory and creation. God puts people and elements around us and in our lives to be a reminder of His love. And yes you can be reminded of God's love and protection in the comforting smell of a holiday sparkle candle

Love and blessings to you today
remain in HIS love.
Become Restored
become.restored@gmail.com

Be Encouraged

2009-09-08T07:11:00.000-07:00

"The nature of evil is to deceive us with a little bit of the truth--not all of it, mind you, but just enough to trick us"
-author unknown

Pray against being tricked.

We are a loved people. We have a God who wipes away our tears and has a reason for putting us on this earth. We are created in HIS image. Never forget that.

It is so easy to fall into the tricks that we are ugly, that we are stupid, that there is no point for our existence.

One time for me it got to the point that I just thought it would be easier to be in Heaven. But God supremely slapped me in the face for merely thinking that thought.

We each walk this earth with a purpose. Never let anyone lie to you that, that isn't true. Even as we go through trials and struggles it is all apart of our growing and shaping and becoming of the people we already are.

You are AWESOME. You have a purpose and your purpose is just becoming more clear through this season of your life.

"all of my life, through every season, you are still GOD I have a reason to sing YOU are my reason to worship
-Hillsong "The Desert Song"

I pray that you have an amazing week of joy and you let no one take that from you.
Be restored in this day
Remain in HIS love
become.restored@gmail.com

The beginning My Story

2009-09-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

"But in the dark my heart is strangely blest;
Yea, in the gloom my soul obtains its rest;
For, spite of night, I find that God on high
Is near the anguished soul, where'er it lie."
H. Frost

As of October 2008 I was lying in some pretty gloomy places. On October 29th I hit the bottom. After months of anxiety-ridden days, praying my way through every minute of every day I collapsed. I made my insides so sick that I thought I had the stomach flu. I spent the day on the floor practically kicking and screaming. I had no idea why I felt like this. I just wanted anwsers.

After sobbing on the phone to my mother (who mind you was four hours away) I was prescribed an anti-depressant from my doctor. I absolutely HATED that. Amd I still do.

After a long weekend of crying and talking I went back to work. I am immensely grateful for that place. Practically the minute I walked onto the campus I was handed a card for a counselor from my boss.

And that card just stayed in my wallet.

For the next month or so I was in tears before the cross every Sunday, I was getting lifted up in amazing ways at work. My friends were a constant presence in my life. And then there was my roommates.

There are no words to describe these girls. Honestly, I pray that God blesses anyone going through such a trial with woman or men of God to walk with daily like I did. I know that I was no where near a joy to live with. I was emotional like a woman constantly on their period. Needless to say--they remained. Through all of the bad that happened in the months prior and the months to come.

November I was feeling more stable. Or so I thought.

The week of Thanksgiving my dad went in for Triple Bypass surgery. I was scared. To use less words the surgery saved and changed my life. I, of course, now had a place to focus my worries on which for me was horribly good.

Everything from then on seemed to be going ok. My anxiety level was up and down, I was still on meds, it was the holidays and life was fun.

But remember: The card was still in my pocket.

2009 came in. I was ready for joy. Happiness. Victory.

For about a month, It was ok. I worked, tutored, exercised and lived. Essentially.

The next date that sticks in my head is February 9th 2009. That was the day my mother got airlifted to a hospital an hour and a half away from my hometown because she essentially had respitory failure. She was in the hospital for a month in which for a large majority of that she was in the ICU and sedated.

The first week she was in the hospital I was a mess contained in a body that went into organization mode.

And then the card called me. I had emailed him back in December and suddenly here this counselor was calling me to check on me in my worst moment

I had no doubt that this was a moment in time completely ordained by God.

It was in that phone call that I made my first appointment for therapy.

This is where I end today. It is a process just to retell this story and as the story moves clser to where I sit today it gets difficult. I pray that you read this as encouragement and I pray that if you are going through something you too have that moment that God ordained where you start the next part of your journey.

This is where your restoration can begin
God Bless
Remain in HIS love
become restored
become.restored@ gmail.com

Become Restored

2009-09-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

"The richest testimonies come from people Christ has made whole and who still remember what it is like to be broken"
~ Beth Moore

When I first read this quote I was in awe. I hadn't read my devotion in awhile and of course when I opened it and read this it was like a smack in the face. These words are in my memory daily now.

There is one very important thing about this- you need to TELL someone that testimony.

That is what this blog is going to be about. Sharing our stories, our trials, verses, quotes in order to maybe be a blessing to someone who needs it. There are so many broken people out there. There are people going through hell right in this moment, people in tears, heartbreak, anguish. They can't see that light of hope. Have you ever been there?

I have. I am in a process of restoration. I am learning, growing and changing daily. I have through this process gotten so much hope and encouragement through my friends and through people who have struggled before me.

I will tell my story soon but for right now I want to call out for your stories, your quotes, your encouragement that have brought you through darkness into the light. My hope is that this blog will grow and change and be a place to help others. You can leave a comment on here or email me become.restored@gmail.com . If you want your post to remain anonymous just let me know.

Each day I hope to share something of myself or of someone else and start a community of learning from others and growing and becoming restored.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7
³ All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. ⁴ He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. ⁵ For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. ⁶ Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. ⁷ We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

I pray that this site will be a place of hope, love, honesty and restoration.

Remain in HIS love
Become Restored
become.restored@gmail.com